Milkshakes & More Pvt. Lynch

I wish I could stop writing about Pvt. Jessica Lynch, but there is always something in the news about her. The two latest things are not of equal headline grabbing attention. The whopper only shows that this is not some American hero that should have shows made about her.

The first thing is that her just published book has sold less copies than expected. That really comes as no surprise when you are told everyday that what you had heard about this person is not what really happened. It was revealed that another member of the 507th Maintenance Company, Lynch's unit, killed eight Iraqis that day in the furious gunfight that took place. He killed eight enemy soldiers in combat and won a silver star for his heroic actions, yet this modern day Audie Murphy is virtually unknown to the American people and he is still waiting for word on being promoted.

The big whopper about "America's Hero" is that there are topless and nude photos of her cavorting with fellow soldiers in the barracks. There were reports from a couple of soldiers a few weeks ago about how Lynch wasn't as squeaky clean as she was made out to be.

Well, the proof has come to light in that fellow comrades of Lynch's sold these photos to Hustler Magazines Larry Flynt. He was going to run them in his magazine before having a change of heart and deciding to lock them in his safe. He said it wouldn't be proper to post them but stated that Lynch is not the Joan of Arc figure she was made out to be by the media.

It's so upsetting to learn that both Pvt. Lynch's docudrama and interview with Diane Sawyer lost out to the Elizabeth Smart Story and the reunion of the Andy Griffith Show cast on their respective nights. Would it be safe to say that America doesn't buy into the Lynch fantasy after even Lynch herself said it was mostly untrue?

On a more positive note, the song that I am listening to is Milkshake by Kelis. It is one of those tunes that has elementary school lyrics and an infectious beat and chorus that get into your head and never leave. You'll find yourself singing it and no matter how hard you try won't be able to make yourself stop. The big mystery is what exactly is the milkshake Kelis is speaking of?

I did some research on the 'Net today and found a variety of explanations. Everything from cooking up heroin to blowjobs to a woman's essence and working with what you have are being offered as solutions to this enigma. It was the singer, the talented Kelis, fiance of Nas, who said that it could be about breasts but is about a woman's essence. It could be that she was bullshitting us. Take a look at the lyrics.

my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
damn right it's better than yours
i could teach you but i have to charge (x2)

[Verse 1]
i know you want it
the thing that makes me
what the guys go crazy for
they lose their minds
the way i rhyme
i think its time

[Bridge]
lalalala warm it up
lalalala the boys are waiting(x2)

[Chorus]
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
damn right it's better than yours
i could teach you but i have to charge (x2)

[Verse 2]
i have to see you on it
you want me to teach the
techniques that freaks these boys
it can't be bought
just dont please get caught
watch if you're smart

[Bridge]
lalalala warm it up
lalalala the boys are waiting(x2)

[Chorus]
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
damn right it's better than yours
i could teach you but i have to charge (x2)

[Verse 3]
oh once you get involved
everyone will look this way so
you must maintain your charm
same time maintain your halo
just get the perfect blend
plus what you have within
then next his eyes will squint
then he's picked up your scent

[Bridge]
lalalala warm it up
lalalala the boys are waiting(x2)

[Chorus]
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
damn right it's better than yours
i could teach you
but i have to charge (x2)

Milkshake can be whatever you want it to be. Whatever it is, it's good.