Grinch Rants & Raves
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Shame!
Today Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. The world watched and collectively hoped for a new beginning, a return to America's place of being admired the world over. What the country and its people should be ashamed of is how the crowd jeered the outgoing president. How the people could actually sing "Nah nah nah hey hey hey goodbye" as he was leaving was so incredibly disrespectful. Even if you cannot respect the man, you must respect the position of president. How truly disgusting.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
A New Election - Same Old Story
Here we are with the latest presidential campaign and as always it is interesting to watch. We have the Republican National Convention winding down with the Democratic one having concluded last week. Despite the fact that we have all new candidates, we have the same twin specters of hypocrisy and idiocy.
Let us take a look at the Democratic party. We are presented with a man with an interesting personal story. A man who is a product of the American dream. A man who rose from humble beginnings to be Ivy League educated, a fine attorney, and then a senator for the state of Illinois. He is not just a gifted orator, but someone who can captivate all those around him and believe in his message of change. He will bring about change as the president. Change!
However, when he announced who is running mate would be, he revealed him to be Joe Biden. Yes, Joe Biden from Delaware who has been a prickly, self-promoting blowhard in government for over 30 years. Joe Biden, a solid member of the establishment that Obama is supposed to change. This makes absolutely no sense as it is a direct contradiction to what he is supposed to stand for as a Washington outsider.
When we look at the Republicans, we look at a candidate who also has an interesting story. He is the son of an admiral, a combat pilot, a prisoner of war, and an experienced politician. He is the opposite of his Democratic adversary in almost every detail and could be considered the epitome of his own party, that of a bunch of old, rich white men.
When he chose his running mate, the nation was quite surprised - he selected a woman. Not just any woman, but a woman who has been a mayor, governor of Alaska, mother of five, an athlete, and even a runner-up in the Miss Alaska competition. She is the most popular governor in the country and was successful in fighting and eliminating corruption in her state. She is the face of the future of the Republican party and she seems like a character that is too good to be true.
The Republicans were quite happy with McCain's decision but the Democrats apparently were not. The party that is supposed to embrace minorities(women, gays, immigrants, people of color, etc.) decided to attack her as being inexperienced, foolish for not being home raising her 4 month old child(that was quite possibly not even hers, no less!), and just a pretty face.
Despite the fact that she was a mayor of a town and then governor for the past two years, that means nothing. Nope, that useful experience she has of leading people and managing fiscal budgets certainly would not prepare her for the vice presidential position as back-up to the president, for attending all those important state funerals, and making the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. It is funny how someone could have vastly less experience as a senator, run for president, and that would be considered okay. Obama has spent the entirety of his career as a senator campaigning for the presidency. The hypocrisy is sickening.
It will be interesting to see how this develops. Presidential elections seem to bring out the worst in people and watching the talking heads on television is quite entertaining. Whoever wins will lead the country for at least 4 years and provide fodder for all the cartoonists and comedians. Let us hope that it does not devolve into hanging chads and accusations of a stolen election.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Apple Craps On Early Adopters Once More
Yesterday was the much anticipated release of the new iPhone 3G, the latest incarnation of Apple's uberphone. Last year's release was spectacular as people wanted to be the first on their block to have this revolutionary pocket computer. This year has proven no different.
About a month or so after its release, Apple dropped the prices on the iPhone citing that is the norm in the tech world. Despite this being true, the nerd rage of the masses - who camped out for not mere hours but days - reached the ears of Steve Jobs. He announced that all of these early adopters would be credited the drop in price. The people who waited a month or so still laughed at them.
Here we are a little more than a year later and the new iPhone has created a very strong buzz. It looks virtually identical to the ver.1 but now has an additional color if you decide to get the 16GB version - white. The big selling features for ver. 2 of the iPhone are 3G speeds which are on average 2.8 times faster than the first version's EDGE technology and the inclusion of GPS. Apple has also released an update to the iPhones software naming it 2.0 and this has enabled users to install software applications which are available from the iTunes store.
Unlike the first version of the iPhone, activation is now required in-store. This is where Apple's most devoted fans have run into a problem - their servers are not working. That's right folks, the early adopters are shelling out the cash for this "must have" phone and the servers won't allow the phones to sync, thus rendering it useless. There were widespread occurrences of stores not even being able to ring customers up. People who had spent so much time in line were leaving after deciding to come back when everything worked. The brave souls who toughed it out and tried to activate could only stare at their expensvie, fruit emblazoned brick. The nerd rage was overwhelming.
People who spent all of that time in line to have bragging rights about owning the new phone can only make emergency calls with them. This is a rare customer relations nightmare for both Apple and AT&T(the iPhone's sole American distributor) who each tout the reliability of their products. This would be a great time for a rival company to make a "mac vs. pc" styled commercial for their cellular service.
The iPhone is a wonderful device. The world knows this and it was released today in 22 countries. Technical snafus do happen, but this is really embarrassing for Apple, especially with all of the advertising and expectations. Yet, once again, it only goes to show that being an early adopter of the iPhone really isn't worth it.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Heath Ledger Dead at 28, Nerds Frantic Over Status of New Batman Film
It was with a great sense of shock that I read that Heath Ledger had died. I had just sat down at the computer after coming home from work and that was the headline that greeted me on the CNN website. How could this possibly be?
Heath was not one of my favorite actors, although he had made quite a few good films in his brief career. I was curious to see what his version of one of my favorite villains would be like in the new Batman movie. He never really seemed to be tabloid fodder aside from one posting by Perez Hilton, where Perez wondered why Heath was no longer sexy.
In this day of celebrities caught in self destruct mode(Brittany, Lindsay, Amy, etc.), I was amazed that this rather quiet celebrity was outlived by these people. His autopsy today was inconclusive, but there were sleeping pills and supposedly other drugs found at the scene. There are rumors of drug abuse in his past, but they are still putting together his recent past together.
What was almost as shocking were the anguished cries of movie nerds. Not that this talented person had died and left behind a 2 year old daughter, but would their precious Batman be released without any problems. Imagine how awful it would be if they had to to do reshoots and the star is too dead to help them. Oh, the inconvenience!
Well, these folks can rest easy as the film is actually in post production. It remains to be seen if this will be the performance of a lifetime. I certainly hope that it is.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
He Did It Again
Floyd Mayweather knocked the undefeated Ricky Hatton out in the 10th round. Can anyone shut this man up?
Monday, December 25, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
The Perils of Your Clothing At Work
Anyone's job is chock full of excitement. There are your deadlines, clients and customers demanding attention, bosses and managers with their own requests. But it's your clothes and what happens to them that can actually ruin your day.
I remember my very first day on the sales floor. There was electricity in the air as I was ready to sell my first car. I had a client that was looking for an SUV, so I showed him what we had and went on a test drive. As I climbed into the vehicle, I felt something rip. I could feel a draft. Oh no!
I had managed to tear the area of my pants kind of between my crotch and my butt. Through the cunning use of angles, I was able to hide my assets from the customer and everyone else. I managed to find my sales manager, explained my predicament, and promptly left the dealership to aquire a new pair of pants. No, I did not sell that customer a car.
Lunch time is also a dangerous thing. Even careful eaters like myself can tempt the Fates. They enjoy manipulating gravity so you end up wearing your lunch as opposed to just eating it.
I went to the refrigerator in the breakroom to retrieve my lunch. In order to eat healthier and save some money, I make my lunch every single day. Usually, my lunch consists of two sandwiches, a delicious Coca Cola, and a granola bar. As I opened the fridge door, I noticed that there was a bottle of mayonnaise.
Now eating healthy, I do not actually own any mayonnaise. Why not treat myself with some free, delicious mayo on my turkey sandwiches? So I grabbed the bottle and shook it up. I was about to squirt it onto my sandwiches when a thought struck me. This wasn't my mayonnaise - was it actually still good? I decided to give it a sniff. The Fates decided that this was the perfect time to test me.
The bottle of mayonnaise, Hellman's to be precise, exploded in my face. There was mayo on my glasses. There was mayo in my nose. There was mayo on the crotch of my khaki pants. Some even managed to find its way onto my sandwiches.
After scooping mayo out of my nose, off of my glasses, face, and clothes, I finshed my lunch. I looked down to my crotch and realized that I was in serious trouble. Mayonnaise has oil in it - you cannot wipe it off. Mayonnaise on khaki cotton, especially on your crotch, looks like fresh urine. I looked like I had an accident in the bathroom.
Once again, through the careful use of angles and the careful positioning of my lunch bag, I was able to make good my escape to my car. No one noticed the conspicuous spots on my pants or had to contemplate whether I had problems with incontinence or being housebroken.
Thankfully, with the nearby toll roads and the blessing of Our Lady of Fast Acceleration, I was able to make it home in time to change and make it back without being late. Let's hear it for one hour lunch breaks.
That's not the only lunch disaster I've had. I had to return to my old stomping ground of Orlando for some training. I was happy to see that there was a Chipotle in the immediate vicinity. For it was there that I would be enjoying a delicious lunch of a tasty burrito.
My shirt was a gleaming white. I admired it in the noon day sun - doing laundry is something that I am really good at and actually enjoy. I waited in line thinking of what deliciousness I would take part in that day. I got my burrito and as I sat in my seat, I noticed a rather attractive lady who worked for the same company. "Why, hello," I thought to myself. The burrito looked so tasty. Then it happened.
With the very first bite, a tasty combination of black beans and perfectly seasoned steak managed to both fall on my formerly gleaming white shirt and once again, on my crotch! I am apparently big in the lap.
I decided to act like nothing happened and finished my lunch. The cutie had her back to me, so no one but me knew what had just transpired. Rubbing the stain on my crotch seemed like a really bad idea in such a public place.
I looked out the door and saw that there was a Walgreen's right in the parking lot. Fortune had smiled upon me. For one of the greatest inventions ever made laid in wait inside - The Tide To Go stain stick. I bought one and in the privacy of my own car with darkly, tinted windows, dabbed the miracle stain remover on my shirt and crotch. With the combination of the greenhouse effect and direct sunlight, the wet spots dried and I was safe. The accident never happened.
So, as you can see, your clothing can make you or break you at work. With the advent of the Tide To Go pen and stain fighter clothing, the workplace is just a little safer. Too bad there isn't a Chipotle by where I work now.
