There is an incredibly annoying group of people around you and you may or may not have noticed them. Look for the distinctive signs of retro eyeglasses, messenger bags, cups of gourmet coffee, tattoos, and a livejournal account. You've probably seen a gang of mutant Gap kids congregated at the local Barnes & Noble, drinking their expensive frappucinos and wolfing down scones, while secretly studying you and thinking about how you and everything you like is so utterly below them. What you will have discovered are emo kids.
emo, as defined by the Something Awful dictionary:
emo - Stands for emotional. They think they're deep, enigmatic and misunderstood. They act depressed, cry when they have girl troubles, listen to crappy pop-punk, linkin park and the like. They talk about suicide not because they would actually do it, but they like sympathy and attention. They wear glasses for aesthetic reasons only, and will judge you by what you wear and the music you listen to. Notoriously whiny.
"VIOLENCE ISN'T COOL, ALL WE KNOW HOW TO DO IS POGO AND SPAZZ OUT LIKE ASSTARDS AT SHOWS, WE CANT FIGHT DANCE OR EVEN MOSH, JUST TWITCH LIKE A PARKINSON'S AFFLICTED FERRET BEING DRAGGED BEHIND A SMALL CHILD'S BIKE IN WOMENS CLOTHING AND BLACK FRAMED GLASSES AND THE GLASSES ARE CLICHE BUT WE'RE HARDCORE SO WE'RE CLICHING THE CLICHE WHICH MEANS ITS COOL YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OK YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME FUCK YOU MAN I HAVE EVERY RECORD RELEASED BY VICTORY BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE THREE RANDOM WORDS MAKING UP THE NAME AND THEY'RE ONLY COOL UNTIL THEY PUT OUT A CD AND THEN THEY'RE SHIT BECAUSE ANYONE WHO RELEASES ANYTHING BUT 7" RECORDS ARE FUCKING TOOLS AND MY FAVORITE BAND IS SO HARDCORE THEY BROKE UP BEFORE THEY RECORDED A SONG AND I DON'T EAT MEAT HEY DID I MENTION THAT I'M STRAIGHTEDGE TOO LOOK I DREW X'S ON MY HANDS AND I'M STRAIGHTEDGE BUT I STILL SMOKE BUT ITS COOL CAUSE I'M EDGY LIKE THAT"
What brings these enfants terribles together is their love of emo music, quite possibly the worst genre ever to be created, aside from country and western. Emo is an offshoot of punk with singers that whine about their librarian looking girlfriends as opposed to hardcore punks who yell entire songs and the original punks who give the establishment the finger. Emo kids try so hard to look and be different that they all end up looking the same.
Emo kids are the kind of people who insult you at group dinners when you order some tasty meat as they are vegan. They fight back the tears and harangue you about your food having had a face while you chew on each delicious morsel. These are the same "self righteous" people who blow their toxic cigarette stink in your face(many of them smoke) and don't see the hypocrisy in killing their fellow human beings with secondary smoke.
They are one of the ultimate cliches and the funny thing is that they are too dumb to see it. They are far too busy listening to sad, crappy music while writing about their pain on their Powerbooks and commenting on one another's journal entries. Their sample Livejournal entry - Current mood: Morose. If only the emo kids would truly succumb to the pain and end it all. The world would certainly be a happier place.
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