The Musical Messiah Returns
When you think of the truly great singers, one name rises above the rest. Pavarotti? Bono? Bennett? Nay, dear friends. These people are no talent hacks when compared to Him. Who is this person you ask? The man, the voice if you will, William Shatner.
Shatner, whose distinctive phrasing has already made him a musical legend, has decided to grace us with a new album. His musical collaborator this time around is none other than Ben Folds of Ben Folds Five fame. Joe Jackson sings all the truly rockish parts of the songs.
Here is a link to Shatner's rendition of the Pulp classic Common People. Shatner truly makes it his own. You must stretch and truly focus your chi before listening or you may die. You have been warned.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Monday, June 21, 2004
Emo Must Die
There is an incredibly annoying group of people around you and you may or may not have noticed them. Look for the distinctive signs of retro eyeglasses, messenger bags, cups of gourmet coffee, tattoos, and a livejournal account. You've probably seen a gang of mutant Gap kids congregated at the local Barnes & Noble, drinking their expensive frappucinos and wolfing down scones, while secretly studying you and thinking about how you and everything you like is so utterly below them. What you will have discovered are emo kids.
emo, as defined by the Something Awful dictionary:
emo - Stands for emotional. They think they're deep, enigmatic and misunderstood. They act depressed, cry when they have girl troubles, listen to crappy pop-punk, linkin park and the like. They talk about suicide not because they would actually do it, but they like sympathy and attention. They wear glasses for aesthetic reasons only, and will judge you by what you wear and the music you listen to. Notoriously whiny.
"VIOLENCE ISN'T COOL, ALL WE KNOW HOW TO DO IS POGO AND SPAZZ OUT LIKE ASSTARDS AT SHOWS, WE CANT FIGHT DANCE OR EVEN MOSH, JUST TWITCH LIKE A PARKINSON'S AFFLICTED FERRET BEING DRAGGED BEHIND A SMALL CHILD'S BIKE IN WOMENS CLOTHING AND BLACK FRAMED GLASSES AND THE GLASSES ARE CLICHE BUT WE'RE HARDCORE SO WE'RE CLICHING THE CLICHE WHICH MEANS ITS COOL YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OK YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME FUCK YOU MAN I HAVE EVERY RECORD RELEASED BY VICTORY BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE THREE RANDOM WORDS MAKING UP THE NAME AND THEY'RE ONLY COOL UNTIL THEY PUT OUT A CD AND THEN THEY'RE SHIT BECAUSE ANYONE WHO RELEASES ANYTHING BUT 7" RECORDS ARE FUCKING TOOLS AND MY FAVORITE BAND IS SO HARDCORE THEY BROKE UP BEFORE THEY RECORDED A SONG AND I DON'T EAT MEAT HEY DID I MENTION THAT I'M STRAIGHTEDGE TOO LOOK I DREW X'S ON MY HANDS AND I'M STRAIGHTEDGE BUT I STILL SMOKE BUT ITS COOL CAUSE I'M EDGY LIKE THAT"
I'm so emo it hurts
What brings these enfants terribles together is their love of emo music, quite possibly the worst genre ever to be created, aside from country and western. Emo is an offshoot of punk with singers that whine about their librarian looking girlfriends as opposed to hardcore punks who yell entire songs and the original punks who give the establishment the finger. Emo kids try so hard to look and be different that they all end up looking the same.
Emo kids are the kind of people who insult you at group dinners when you order some tasty meat as they are vegan. They fight back the tears and harangue you about your food having had a face while you chew on each delicious morsel. These are the same "self righteous" people who blow their toxic cigarette stink in your face(many of them smoke) and don't see the hypocrisy in killing their fellow human beings with secondary smoke.
They are one of the ultimate cliches and the funny thing is that they are too dumb to see it. They are far too busy listening to sad, crappy music while writing about their pain on their Powerbooks and commenting on one another's journal entries. Their sample Livejournal entry - Current mood: Morose. If only the emo kids would truly succumb to the pain and end it all. The world would certainly be a happier place.
There is an incredibly annoying group of people around you and you may or may not have noticed them. Look for the distinctive signs of retro eyeglasses, messenger bags, cups of gourmet coffee, tattoos, and a livejournal account. You've probably seen a gang of mutant Gap kids congregated at the local Barnes & Noble, drinking their expensive frappucinos and wolfing down scones, while secretly studying you and thinking about how you and everything you like is so utterly below them. What you will have discovered are emo kids.
emo, as defined by the Something Awful dictionary:
emo - Stands for emotional. They think they're deep, enigmatic and misunderstood. They act depressed, cry when they have girl troubles, listen to crappy pop-punk, linkin park and the like. They talk about suicide not because they would actually do it, but they like sympathy and attention. They wear glasses for aesthetic reasons only, and will judge you by what you wear and the music you listen to. Notoriously whiny.
"VIOLENCE ISN'T COOL, ALL WE KNOW HOW TO DO IS POGO AND SPAZZ OUT LIKE ASSTARDS AT SHOWS, WE CANT FIGHT DANCE OR EVEN MOSH, JUST TWITCH LIKE A PARKINSON'S AFFLICTED FERRET BEING DRAGGED BEHIND A SMALL CHILD'S BIKE IN WOMENS CLOTHING AND BLACK FRAMED GLASSES AND THE GLASSES ARE CLICHE BUT WE'RE HARDCORE SO WE'RE CLICHING THE CLICHE WHICH MEANS ITS COOL YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OK YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME FUCK YOU MAN I HAVE EVERY RECORD RELEASED BY VICTORY BUT ONLY IF THEY HAVE THREE RANDOM WORDS MAKING UP THE NAME AND THEY'RE ONLY COOL UNTIL THEY PUT OUT A CD AND THEN THEY'RE SHIT BECAUSE ANYONE WHO RELEASES ANYTHING BUT 7" RECORDS ARE FUCKING TOOLS AND MY FAVORITE BAND IS SO HARDCORE THEY BROKE UP BEFORE THEY RECORDED A SONG AND I DON'T EAT MEAT HEY DID I MENTION THAT I'M STRAIGHTEDGE TOO LOOK I DREW X'S ON MY HANDS AND I'M STRAIGHTEDGE BUT I STILL SMOKE BUT ITS COOL CAUSE I'M EDGY LIKE THAT"
What brings these enfants terribles together is their love of emo music, quite possibly the worst genre ever to be created, aside from country and western. Emo is an offshoot of punk with singers that whine about their librarian looking girlfriends as opposed to hardcore punks who yell entire songs and the original punks who give the establishment the finger. Emo kids try so hard to look and be different that they all end up looking the same.
Emo kids are the kind of people who insult you at group dinners when you order some tasty meat as they are vegan. They fight back the tears and harangue you about your food having had a face while you chew on each delicious morsel. These are the same "self righteous" people who blow their toxic cigarette stink in your face(many of them smoke) and don't see the hypocrisy in killing their fellow human beings with secondary smoke.
They are one of the ultimate cliches and the funny thing is that they are too dumb to see it. They are far too busy listening to sad, crappy music while writing about their pain on their Powerbooks and commenting on one another's journal entries. Their sample Livejournal entry - Current mood: Morose. If only the emo kids would truly succumb to the pain and end it all. The world would certainly be a happier place.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Gmail Means Dollars For Beta Testers
It's funny to me how when something is hard to get, people really want it. The whole concept of "being cool" creates many moneymaking opportunities for those able to get those desired items. The latest must-have item in pop culture - the Gmail account.
Gmail is the next generation email service created by the folks at Google. Only a few select people have been chosen to test the service, including yours truly, and recently these users have been provided invites to share the service with their friends to increase the number of beta testers and get the finished product out to the general public that much faster.
This has created a large supply of hard to get Gmail accounts for a chosen few. Understandably so, these Gmail invites started to appear on auction sites like eBay and people have been spending as much as $60 to get one. The allure is not just having something that is not easy to get, but to get the desired ID while it is still available. For example, being myname@gmail.com as opposed to myname1234@gmail.com.
While $60 is no longer seen for a Gmail invite, prices are still in the 20s for those wishing to be the cool kid on the block. Auctions are ending every minute on eBay with the dollars rolling in for a service that is actually entirely free from Google. It just won't be as cool when it is released to the general public. It is, after all, an email service.
The interesting thing is, once the three invites are exhausted, either through philanthropic or capitalist endeavors, Google sends you more. Ah, something for nothing. You've got to love that.
It's funny to me how when something is hard to get, people really want it. The whole concept of "being cool" creates many moneymaking opportunities for those able to get those desired items. The latest must-have item in pop culture - the Gmail account.
Gmail is the next generation email service created by the folks at Google. Only a few select people have been chosen to test the service, including yours truly, and recently these users have been provided invites to share the service with their friends to increase the number of beta testers and get the finished product out to the general public that much faster.
This has created a large supply of hard to get Gmail accounts for a chosen few. Understandably so, these Gmail invites started to appear on auction sites like eBay and people have been spending as much as $60 to get one. The allure is not just having something that is not easy to get, but to get the desired ID while it is still available. For example, being myname@gmail.com as opposed to myname1234@gmail.com.
While $60 is no longer seen for a Gmail invite, prices are still in the 20s for those wishing to be the cool kid on the block. Auctions are ending every minute on eBay with the dollars rolling in for a service that is actually entirely free from Google. It just won't be as cool when it is released to the general public. It is, after all, an email service.
The interesting thing is, once the three invites are exhausted, either through philanthropic or capitalist endeavors, Google sends you more. Ah, something for nothing. You've got to love that.
Monday, May 24, 2004
These Are My Pecs, or the Latest Hit in the Cinema - Troy
I went with one of my good friends to see the movie Troy yesterday. There really wasn't anything else worth seeing in the theatre and I am a big fan of history. Also, I wanted to see just how good a movie with an Aryan looking actor with long, blonde, Barbie like hair who is supposed to be Greek could be. Surprisingly, Brad Pitt wasn't bad.
Orlando Bloom annoyed the hell out of me in this film. He's such a delicate looking man, he almost looks like a pretty girl. He played the director's vision of Paris perfectly. What really made me laugh were the posts in the forums on IMDb. My favorite was, "Is Helen a lesbian or pedophile?" Seriously, Bloom was almost as pretty as she was.
While not being the greatest film, Troy was still rather fun to watch. I agree with the director's decision to remove the Greek gods from the movie but it was rather sad to see him take the liberty of rewriting mythology to make the story more dramatic. For example, killing some characters who didn't die in the Iliad, omitting other characters, and making the Trojan war seem as thought it lasted a few days as opposed to the ten years it was to have raged. Eric Bana was also quite good as Hector. I'd say give it a look.
What is more interesting is that Morrissey has released a new album. I am not a big fan of his or the Smiths for that matter, but the first single of his new album is Irish Blood, English heart. If any of you are familiar with the story between the English and the Irish then you can understand just how powerful the song of an Irish-Englishman with torn allegiances can be.
I've been dreaming of a time when
To be English is not to be baneful
To be standing by the flag, not feeling shameful,
Racist, or partial
This is an amazing song. Give it a listen.
I went with one of my good friends to see the movie Troy yesterday. There really wasn't anything else worth seeing in the theatre and I am a big fan of history. Also, I wanted to see just how good a movie with an Aryan looking actor with long, blonde, Barbie like hair who is supposed to be Greek could be. Surprisingly, Brad Pitt wasn't bad.
Orlando Bloom annoyed the hell out of me in this film. He's such a delicate looking man, he almost looks like a pretty girl. He played the director's vision of Paris perfectly. What really made me laugh were the posts in the forums on IMDb. My favorite was, "Is Helen a lesbian or pedophile?" Seriously, Bloom was almost as pretty as she was.
While not being the greatest film, Troy was still rather fun to watch. I agree with the director's decision to remove the Greek gods from the movie but it was rather sad to see him take the liberty of rewriting mythology to make the story more dramatic. For example, killing some characters who didn't die in the Iliad, omitting other characters, and making the Trojan war seem as thought it lasted a few days as opposed to the ten years it was to have raged. Eric Bana was also quite good as Hector. I'd say give it a look.
What is more interesting is that Morrissey has released a new album. I am not a big fan of his or the Smiths for that matter, but the first single of his new album is Irish Blood, English heart. If any of you are familiar with the story between the English and the Irish then you can understand just how powerful the song of an Irish-Englishman with torn allegiances can be.
I've been dreaming of a time when
To be English is not to be baneful
To be standing by the flag, not feeling shameful,
Racist, or partial
This is an amazing song. Give it a listen.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Alligators, Snakes, Scorpions, Cockroaches, and Fire Ants or Things You'll Find In Florida Everyday
My friend contacted me to tell me of something horrific that happened to him. He was studying at his desk when he felt something crawling on his leg. Now, my friend lives in a new, very upscale apartment community in the Orlando area. He brushed off what was on his leg and caught a quick glimpse of it. What he saw horrified him. He ran and got a can of Raid and the hunt was on. Having armed himself, he frantically knocked things over while he scrambled to find it. With the prey in his sights, he opened fire and the beast was done. My friend had killed a scorpion.
Being unaccustomed to scorpions crawling on him or sharing his home with them, he began to search the Internet to see what kind of scorpion it was. He determined it to be a Florida Wood Scorpion and took its corpse to his rental office to explain that he had an infestation of the gravest kind. They did not seem very shocked at the office and informed him that the beast was not poisonous. That did very little to ease his mind, nor mine. I informed him that for all of my future visits, I would be staying at his girlfriend's place where the overwhelming amounts of estrogenical toxicity caused by said girlfriend and her gang of roommates would prove most inhospitable to scorpions and any other such creatures. Potpourri and other accoutrements, I sincerely hope, should prove lethal.
Yes, sunny Florida, the place that people in colder climes dream of escaping to. What people do not realize of this supposed paradise is that there are mosquitoes, fire ants, alligators, criminals, rednecks, boat people, snakes, and now scorpions in abundance down here. Behind my house there is a lake. Every year you'd see ducks and their hatchlings swimming in the lake. Every week there would be however many less ducklings swimming behind their parents. Sometimes there'd be a missing parent. Do you know why? Alligators would eat them. How do I know? Because walking on the shore of the lake you'd see ducks that had been bitten in half. In Florida you hear of dogs and little children walking up to a water body and an alligator grabbing them for a tasty treat. It's tragic, but not uncommon here.
The alligators use the sewer pipes as a highway system to end up in all different parts of town. One time at work, an office wide email went out warning us to be careful in the parking lot as gators had been spotted. I thought it was a joke until the following day when a poster had been set up near the office entrance showing deputies posing with the alligators captured in the office parking lot. It just goes to show that you don't have to be in the wilderness to be Crocodile Dundee here in Florida.
I need to escape this place and either return North or back across the ocean. I do not like he beach. I do not like the heat. I do not like sweating. I do not need alligators, scorpions, snakes, and fire ants. I am not Indiana Jones!
My friend contacted me to tell me of something horrific that happened to him. He was studying at his desk when he felt something crawling on his leg. Now, my friend lives in a new, very upscale apartment community in the Orlando area. He brushed off what was on his leg and caught a quick glimpse of it. What he saw horrified him. He ran and got a can of Raid and the hunt was on. Having armed himself, he frantically knocked things over while he scrambled to find it. With the prey in his sights, he opened fire and the beast was done. My friend had killed a scorpion.
Being unaccustomed to scorpions crawling on him or sharing his home with them, he began to search the Internet to see what kind of scorpion it was. He determined it to be a Florida Wood Scorpion and took its corpse to his rental office to explain that he had an infestation of the gravest kind. They did not seem very shocked at the office and informed him that the beast was not poisonous. That did very little to ease his mind, nor mine. I informed him that for all of my future visits, I would be staying at his girlfriend's place where the overwhelming amounts of estrogenical toxicity caused by said girlfriend and her gang of roommates would prove most inhospitable to scorpions and any other such creatures. Potpourri and other accoutrements, I sincerely hope, should prove lethal.
Yes, sunny Florida, the place that people in colder climes dream of escaping to. What people do not realize of this supposed paradise is that there are mosquitoes, fire ants, alligators, criminals, rednecks, boat people, snakes, and now scorpions in abundance down here. Behind my house there is a lake. Every year you'd see ducks and their hatchlings swimming in the lake. Every week there would be however many less ducklings swimming behind their parents. Sometimes there'd be a missing parent. Do you know why? Alligators would eat them. How do I know? Because walking on the shore of the lake you'd see ducks that had been bitten in half. In Florida you hear of dogs and little children walking up to a water body and an alligator grabbing them for a tasty treat. It's tragic, but not uncommon here.
The alligators use the sewer pipes as a highway system to end up in all different parts of town. One time at work, an office wide email went out warning us to be careful in the parking lot as gators had been spotted. I thought it was a joke until the following day when a poster had been set up near the office entrance showing deputies posing with the alligators captured in the office parking lot. It just goes to show that you don't have to be in the wilderness to be Crocodile Dundee here in Florida.
I need to escape this place and either return North or back across the ocean. I do not like he beach. I do not like the heat. I do not like sweating. I do not need alligators, scorpions, snakes, and fire ants. I am not Indiana Jones!